Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
