Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I wish i was in the wii world.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
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