he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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