I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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