Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I have fence marks all over my body
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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