If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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