If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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