yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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