I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
