don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
