he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
