If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize
