I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize