Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
