You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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