Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
