so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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