The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
