After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
