Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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