90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
