i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
