I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
