i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
you win again, gameday.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
