yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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