I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize