If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
