you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
