...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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