Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
