Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
