She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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