Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
