I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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