I think I won the penis lottery.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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