Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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