My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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