Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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