Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
