FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize