Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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