if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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