just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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