Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
