Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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