i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
two words: eviction party
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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