there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
