our cab driver is having phone sex.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize
