college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
