A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
