Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
