There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize