i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Randomize
