I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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