when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
