Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
