Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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