i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
