So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my vag is so smooth its legendary
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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