Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Farmville is her only friend.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
