But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
