he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
