I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
