who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
