You really coming over, don't trick.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
