I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
