she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize