can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
handjob tips. give me some.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
