I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
