Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
